Life on bikes

‘Polite’ hi-viz vest wearers are inter-breeding thanks to new app

Reports are coming in that the unfathomable explosion in bikers wearing hi-viz ‘POLITE’ vests is being caused by the wearers breeding with each other.

Fed up with other bikers ripping the piss out of them or otherwise being ignored at biking events, the riders have taken to ‘gettin’ it on’ with each other instead.

In the new dating app, ‘Plodder’, bikers who like pretending they are police officers can share pictures of themselves wearing the vests.

Plodder app
If we hadn’t made it up, some other idiot would have

If they like what they see, the dating app features a map of local police stations they can meet round the back of.

When we showed the app to Sgt Andy Worral of Humberside Police he raised his eyebrows and said, “This explains a lot.”

He went on, “We see them all the time with a slightly sheepish look on their faces. We couldn’t work out why we saw so many of them near the station. Now we know.”*


In other reports, research has found that car drivers can actually tell the difference between the words Police and Polite and, instead of taking greater care when driving behind bikers wearing them, have started to use them for target practice.

Get off your phone hi-viz vest
If you’re going to have anything written on your back, it should be this

Get yourself sorted:

On a serious note, seeing as we are an advice site for bikers, our stance is you are putting yourself up not just for ridicule by wearing a ‘Polite’ vest but potentially prosecution too.

In a letter published on the British Horse Society website, Assistant Chief Constable Ron Hanson, formerly of ACPO but now NPCC, wrote: “These articles have caused concern to the police on the grounds that individuals wearing them are likely to be mistaken for being a police officer due to the design closely resembling police uniform.”

He added: “The conclusion of these inquiries is that any item of clothing that has been manufactured to match these characteristics of the police uniform is at risk of contravening legislation, namely Section 90 Police Act 1996.”

*Yeah, we might have made that up. The rest is completely true though…

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The Author

Norm Deplume

Norm Deplume

Norm! Big bloke on a big bike.

Loves an adventure, takes no prisoners, takes no drugs (anymore).

He likes to keep things mysterious, mainly because he already has another job and his employer might not approve...